Once More, With Feeling
by Elicitation
Summary: It was to be the best prank ever; and all she needed was a jumbo-sized condom, some sour cream, and Gippal who, it seems, can't resist a nice pair of jugs. Poor Nooj. Never even saw it coming. Twoshot


**(I'm back whoo! 8D Sorry I haven't updated in a while, it's totally not my fault. My computer got a huge virus on it and I had to take it somewhere so they could whipe the entire hard-drive. Then my wireless router stopped working because I had to re-install it and I didn't have some serial number thing.**

**ANYWAY. I'm just writing this to let you guys know that I'm not dead, and that the next chapter of Stuck on You is almost finished and should be uploaded by the end of this week! :D**

**This is going to be a short two-shot, and the second chapter will probably be up in just a couple of days.**

**General disclaimers apply, of course.)**

It was brilliant. Totally and utterly and awesomely brilliant. By far the best plan she'd had in a long, long time. And that includes the one she'd had about the Beserker sphere, the Rojo Flan, and Baralai's underwear. And _that_ had been an _amazing_ plan. This, though? Totally blew that one out of the water; made it look as pathetic as a chocobo-less Clasko.

And she could pull it off. Oh, yes. She could pull it off. With the right supplies and the right timing, Nooj wouldn't know what was coming to him. All she needed was a grocery store, a sex shop, and (of course) her partner in crime. And how in the world could he resist her charms? She'd pull sex appeal out of her _ass_ if she had to if it meant that he'd help out because like it or not, she couldn't do this alone. She heard a long time ago that it took two to tango, if something that was that much of a tounge twister it HAD to be important!

So she'd put on her shortest skirt and her smallest bra and Yuna could dance her fanny off sending those Faction guys, because she was gonna _knock them dead!_

--

" Ohhhh Gippaaaaaaaaaal!"

He knew that voice. That sweet, melodic, sinister, banshee voice that heralded death and doom and eye candy. He also remembered that the last time he'd listened to that voice, it'd taking ages for him to get the blood out of his favorite shirt. (in case you're wondering; yes, the shirt was purple. and yes, the blood was his.) It, it being the voice, belonged to his best friend, his fellow savior of the world (although she insists that he didn't do bullshit), his secret-keeper, and the love of his life even if she didn't know it. Rikku. He loved everything about her; from her gorgeous body to her sparkling smile to her mock-innocent personality. Hell, he even loved the sound of her name.

He did not, however, love the menace in her voice when she called his name. (although he'd love to have her call his name somewhere else, like in bed-- _woah there, Gip, bad thoughts bad thoughts_)

" Whatever you're thinking of doing, kid, I want absolutely no part in it."

He didn't need to turn around to know that she was pouting. She always pouted. That was usually the part that got him to agree to whatever she wanted, but not today! No, today Gippal was going to gird his loins, and no matter how adorable her pout was, he would prevail! Gird those loins, Gippal!

Once said loins were expertly girded-ed, he turned around to look her in the face and tell her no-- and was met by two huge green and swirly puppydog eyes that would have put a newborn Ronso to shame. And then he saw past those eyes to the equally attention-drawing parts on her chest. Oh, yes. _Those_ he would listen to. _Those_ he would move mountains for. Loins, by the way? Totally ungirded. _Way_ totally.

And then he realized that she was talking. That sort of ruined the whole daydream he was having (her soft tan body covered in chocolate, because everyone knows Gippal loves his chocolate) but seeing as how he loved so much about her, including her voice, he figured he'd better set to proving it and actually start listening instead of staring at her (fantastic) tits all day.

"--best idea I've ever had, and you've got to help me, Gippal! I can't do this without you!"

He cleared his throat and banished all sexual thoughts from his head because it wouldn't do to get a hard-on _right in front of her when she hadn't even done anything_ and instead got about to giving his reply.

" No. That's final. Whatever hairbrained scheme you've come up with now I'm sure you can do by yourself. Or just get Tidus to help you." His mouth twisted downwards slightly and his eye ticked. " Ixion knows you've been hanging out with him enough lately." He turned back to the machine he was fixing. " And by the way, if you actually are going to get Tidus in on it, you might want to put on something less skimpy. You know how possessive your cousin is, and I'd prefer not to see you get your entrials Trigger Happy'd out of your stomach."

She cooed and flounced over to him. " Aw, Gippal! You care about my entrials! I'm partial to my spleen myself." She threw her arms around his neck and rubbed her cheek into his back. " Pllleeeeaaaaassssseeee, Gippy? I can't get Tidus because he's a fuddy-duddy and he'll call me stupid and won't help." She thought she might have heard him say something along the lines of, " ..and I wouldn't?" but she ignored it and decided that, yes. It was time to lay on the sexy. She brought her mouth up to his ear. " Please, Gippal? It has to be you." He stiffened slightly, and she smirked. " I need you."

Well damn. If that wasn't hot.

He twisted to look at her over his shoulder with his good eye. She smiled innocently back at him. His eye narrowed. Her expression didn't change. He looked away and carefully put down his tools before grumbling, " ...fine. What did you have in mind?"

Rikku immediatly jumped away and did her infamous Happy Dance, complete with shakey-shake and butt wiggle. " Yay!" she squealed. " Youth wins again!"

He turned around to face her and leaned against the table he'd been working at, crossing his arms. " Well? I'd like to know how I'm going to die, thank you, because I just know that whatever you intend to do is going to kill me."

" Weeeeeelllllll," Rikku drew out brightly. " The details are still kind of etchy. I just need to know where I can get some... ahh... specialty items." His eyebrow raised, and she clarified. " Giant condoms. Like, huge. Megadick ones." He deadpanned. " Oh! And I need to stalk Nooj for a while. And I need a huge tub of sour cream."

Gippal threw his arms up and sighed. " Glorious. Simply wonderful. I knew I should have ignored the eyes. And the boobs."

" What?"

" Nothing!"


End file.
